the blackout

Policewoman, bottle of wine, point is I made an effort.

Bernard, Black Books

What? What? What? He looks surprised. All children look surprised. Everything’s new to them!

Bernard, Black Books

Well you should put a lock on the door anyway because I was in there, I was on the toilet and everything, and little Jimmy comes in, he’s drinking milk from the fridge and that’s all wrong… it’s unhygienic. And what were you thinking, what was going through your brain when you thought “Oh yeah, I’ll buy a wicker toilet”?

Bernard, Black Books

Hey! When all this has blown over, let’s go and see Les Miserables. Have you been to the zoo? It’s brilliant!

Manny, Black Books

Manny: “Pet Surprise”? What’s that?
Bernard: Oh you know the thing, they take the dog out for a walk, it thinks it’s a normal walk, but when they come back, the kennel has a patio and french doors.
Manny: Yeah, yeah, and they take the blindfold off…
Bernard: Yeah and he’s like “Oh my god”, you know.

Black Books

And there were a few other people there. You know, the sort of people who can talk about salad for five hours.

Bernard, Black Books

So what?! So what?! They blanked me! That’s like an awesomely powerful thing to do in civilised society! It’s like, it’s like, it’s like when the Mafia send each other fish through the post.

Bernard, Black Books

Friend?! When I first came to London, he, he put me up, he lent me money, he helped me find a job, he helped me find this place. I was, I was an incredibly good friend to him. And, even though, even though I fancied his girlfriend, I did not make a pass at her. Well, once. Twice. A few times. But not after I realised just how angry it made him. Well, once, but only because…

Bernard, Black Books

You have… beautiful eyes.

Manny, Black Books

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