sitcom
Any time a man wants to show a woman how to do something from behind it’s just because he wants an excuse to get real close and breathe on her neck. Watch any sports movie.
Nick, New Girl
Schmidt: Where’s your boyfriend?
New Girl
CeCe: We’re meeting up later because he has a little surprise for me.
Schmidt: Spoiler: it’s his penis.
This is a horrible neighborhood. There are youths everywhere!
Schmidt, New Girl
I’m like a sexual snowflake. Each night with me is a unique experience.
Schmidt, New Girl
Who do I speak to RE: getting something removed from the Internet?
Jess, New Girl
The only way to get through it is to get through it.
Cece, New Girl
I’m the guy who just can’t jump into something if I don’t know what’s gonna happen. I’ve just never been that guy. I’m the guy that if I don’t know what’s gonna happen, I don’t do something. Ever. I don’t care how badly I want to do it. Like, if everyone went down to the beach and jumped into the water, I’m the guy guarding the wallets.
Nick, New Girl
Are you using your friends medical crisis to feel my boobs with your face?
CeCe, New Girl
Nick: I don’t have a vagina.
New Girl
Patient: You can take mine.
Jess: I heard that, sister.
Patient: True that.
Jess [to Nick]: Are you sure you’re okay? You’re walking like a Disney witch. Let me drive you to your doctor.
Jess, New Girl