sitcom

Any time a man wants to show a woman how to do something from behind it’s just because he wants an excuse to get real close and breathe on her neck. Watch any sports movie.

Nick, New Girl

Schmidt: Where’s your boyfriend?
CeCe: We’re meeting up later because he has a little surprise for me.
Schmidt: Spoiler: it’s his penis.

New Girl

This is a horrible neighborhood. There are youths everywhere!

Schmidt, New Girl

I’m like a sexual snowflake. Each night with me is a unique experience.

Schmidt, New Girl

Who do I speak to RE: getting something removed from the Internet?

Jess, New Girl

The only way to get through it is to get through it.

Cece, New Girl

I’m the guy who just can’t jump into something if I don’t know what’s gonna happen. I’ve just never been that guy. I’m the guy that if I don’t know what’s gonna happen, I don’t do something. Ever. I don’t care how badly I want to do it. Like, if everyone went down to the beach and jumped into the water, I’m the guy guarding the wallets.

Nick, New Girl

Are you using your friends medical crisis to feel my boobs with your face?

CeCe, New Girl

Nick: I don’t have a vagina.
Patient: You can take mine.
Jess: I heard that, sister.
Patient: True that.

New Girl

Jess [to Nick]: Are you sure you’re okay? You’re walking like a Disney witch. Let me drive you to your doctor.

Jess, New Girl

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