Any time a man wants to show a woman how to do something from behind it’s just because he wants an excuse to get real close and breathe on her neck. Watch any sports movie.
Schmidt: Where’s your boyfriend?
CeCe: We’re meeting up later because he has a little surprise for me.
Schmidt: Spoiler: it’s his penis.
I’m the guy who just can’t jump into something if I don’t know what’s gonna happen. I’ve just never been that guy. I’m the guy that if I don’t know what’s gonna happen, I don’t do something. Ever. I don’t care how badly I want to do it. Like, if everyone went down to the beach and jumped into the water, I’m the guy guarding the wallets.
Nick: I don’t have a vagina.
Patient: You can take mine.
Jess: I heard that, sister.
Patient: True that.
Jess [to Nick]: Are you sure you’re okay? You’re walking like a Disney witch. Let me drive you to your doctor.