joke

God turned out to be a bunch of little kids playing Interstellar X-Box. Isn’t that funny?

Stephen King, Under The Dome

I have already prepared my counter-proposal. It reads thusly: You may strategically place your wonderful lips upon my posterior and kiss it repeatedly!

Barnabas Collins, Dark Shadows

See, their morals, their code: it’s a bad joke. Dropped at the first sign of trouble. They’re only as good as the world allows them to be. I’ll show you.

Joker, The Dark Knight

Luck was a joke. Even good luck was just bad luck with its hair combed.

Stephen King, Luckey Quarter

I don’t mind making jokes, but I don’t want to look like one.

Marilyn Monroe

A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a drink. The bartender replies “for you, no charge”.

Dr. Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory

I have crushes, but they’re all too old. Like Beyonce – she has a husband, I might get shot. I went up to give Beyonce a hug at the Grammy’s and Jay-Z said, watch out buddy! He was kidding, but you know…

Justin Bieber

I never met a pig I didn’t like. All pigs are intelligent, emotional, and sensitive souls. They all love company. They all crave contact and comfort. Pigs have a delightful sense of mischief; most of them seem to enjoy a good joke and appreciate music. And that is something you would certainly never suspect from your relationship with a pork chop.

Sy Montgomery

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