The mean Indian lady tried to make me eat lamb.
Dr. Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory
Good night. And if there’s an apocalypse, good luck.
Dr. Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory
When people are upset, the cultural convention is to bring them hot beverages.
Dr. Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory
It must be humbling to suck on so many levels.
Dr. Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory
A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a drink. The bartender replies “for you, no charge”.
Dr. Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory
What exactly does that expression mean, ‘friends with benefits?’ Does he provide her with health insurance?
Dr. Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory
I can’t be impossible; I exist! I think what you meant to say is, ‘I give up; he’s improbable’.
Dr. Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory
I am aware of the way humans usually reproduce which is messy, unsanitary and based on living next to you for three years, involves loud and unnecessary appeals to a deity.
Dr. Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory
Under normal circumstances I’d say I told you so. But, as I have told so with such vehemence and frequency already the phrase has lost all meaning. Therefore, I will be replacing it with the phrase, I have informed you thusly.
Dr. Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory
Apparently you can’t hack into a government supercomputer and then try to buy uranium without the Department of Homeland Security tattling to your mother.
Dr. Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bag Theory