Conan O’Brien

Scientists announced that they have located the gene for alcoholism. Scientists say they found it at a party, talking way too loudly.

Conan O’Brien

Music and comedy are so linked. The rhythm of comedy is con­nected to the rhythm of music. They’re both about creating tension and knowing when to let it go. I’m always surprised when somebody funny is not musical.

Conan O’Brien

Republicans have called for a National African-American Museum. The plan is being held up by finding a location that isn’t in their neighborhood.

Conan O’Brien

I’ve always believed, in my heart of hearts, that it would be a better show if, when I crossed over to the desk, the band kept playing for an hour and I danced in a cage.

Conan O’Brien

Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you’re kind, amazing things will happen.

Conan O’Brien

Disappointment leads to clarity, which leads to conviction and true originality.

Conan O’Brien

There is nothing more liberating than having your worst fear realized.

Conan O’Brien

It’s a mistake to read. Television is the only way.

Conan O’Brien

If you work really hard, and you’re kind, amazing things will happen.

Conan O’Brien

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, “Jesus! This cup is expensive!

Conan O’Brien

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