comedian

You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.

Robin Williams

Comedy is acting out optimism.

Robin Williams

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

Robin Williams

Try explaining Hitler to a kid.

George Carlin

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn’t work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

Emo Philips

This Halloween, the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him.

Conan O’Brien

Scientists announced that they have located the gene for alcoholism. Scientists say they found it at a party, talking way too loudly.

Conan O’Brien

Republicans have called for a National African-American Museum. The plan is being held up by finding a location that isn’t in their neighborhood.

Conan O’Brien

I’ve always believed, in my heart of hearts, that it would be a better show if, when I crossed over to the desk, the band kept playing for an hour and I danced in a cage.

Conan O’Brien

Disappointment leads to clarity, which leads to conviction and true originality.

Conan O’Brien

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